Changing a contact arrangement
A contact arrangement is not set in stone. Children grow up, rosters shift, someone moves — an arrangement no longer fitting after a few years is normal, not a failure. There are two routes: together, or through the court. The first is faster, cheaper, and in the large majority of cases enough.
When a change is due
- The child changes school, or starts secondary school, shifting travel and school hours.
- One of you moves, including within the same city.
- A work roster changes: shift work, a new job, weekend hours.
- The child gets older and wants more, or fewer, switches; from around twelve that wish carries real weight.
- The arrangement works on paper but not in life — the handover day consistently falls wrong, or the holiday split goes wrong every year.
Route 1: changing it together
If you agree, you can simply adjust the arrangement. No court is involved. What you do need is to record it, so that a year from now nobody remembers it differently.
- Name what is not working — the handover day, the holidays, one missing evening — rather than “the arrangement”.
- Make one concrete proposal, with days and times. A proposal is easier to answer than a complaint.
- Agree a trial period, three months for instance. It lowers the stakes and leaves room to go back.
- Record the new arrangement with a start date, in your parenting plan or in a shared calendar you both see.
- Diarise the review. Without a date, a trial period quietly becomes permanent.
Route 2: through the court
If you cannot agree, you can ask the court to change the arrangement — for instance where circumstances have changed since it was set, or where it rested on incorrect information at the time. Where you share parental authority, a dispute about the division can also be put to the court under the disputes procedure. In both cases, trying mediation first is not just sensible: the court will generally ask about it. Expect months rather than weeks, and a lawyer.
What helps on either route
A record of how the arrangement actually ran. Not as ammunition, but because “it often does not work” is a weaker argument than “over the past six months the Wednesday handover moved eleven times”. That record falls straight out of your shared calendar.
Recording the new arrangement
Adjust the schedule, set the start date, share it. Both parents see the same calendar, the previous version is kept, and the yearly day count is recalculated immediately — useful when the change pushes you above or below the 156 days the Dutch tax office counts.
This is not legal advice
CoParIzi helps with the schedule, not the procedure. For your legal position: a mediator, a lawyer, or Het Juridisch Loket.
Still have questions?
Can I change the arrangement unilaterally?
No. A determined arrangement stands until you agree something else together or the court changes it.
Does a change have to go to court?
Not if you agree. Do put it in writing.
Can my 13-year-old decide?
Not decide, but their view weighs heavily. From 12, a child is heard by the court.
What if the other parent does not respond to my proposal?
Put the proposal in writing with a deadline, and offer mediation. If it stays quiet, the court is the next step.
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