Dividing Christmas, Sinterklaas and other special days
Special days are the exceptions that break every fixed schedule. Which is exactly why they get left out of parenting plans — and exactly why they come up again every November. Below: three methods that work, a full list of the days worth dividing, and a way to fix it so you do not have to discuss it again for years.
Why special days need their own rule
A week-on-week-off schedule divides the weeks neatly, but not their meaning. If Christmas falls in the same parent’s week four years running, the schedule calls that fair and nobody at the table does. Special days need a rule of their own that overrides the weekly rhythm.
Three methods
- 1. Yearly rotation. One parent in even years, the other in odd years. The simplest, the easiest to explain to children, and the most widely used.
- 2. A fixed split per day. Sinterklaas always with one parent, Christmas always with the other. Works well where your traditions genuinely differ — the family that always gathers on Christmas Day against the family that makes a lot of Sinterklaas.
- 3. Splitting the day itself. Morning with one, from an agreed time with the other. Only advisable if you live close and manage it well together; otherwise the day becomes a travel day.
Combining is fine: many parents rotate Christmas and fix the rest.
Which days to divide
| Day | Note |
|---|---|
| New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day | Often handled together with the Christmas holiday |
| Easter | Two days in the Netherlands, so easy to divide |
| King’s Day (27 April) | A vrijmarkt day for many children; tied to where you live |
| Liberation Day (5 May) | Only relevant if someone has the day off |
| Ascension and Whitsun | Long weekends; check how they land in the weekend rhythm |
| Sinterklaas (5 December) | Not a public holiday, but the hardest negotiation with young children |
| Christmas Day and Boxing Day | Two days, so one each is the usual solution |
| The child’s birthday | See below |
| Your own birthdays | Usually: the child is with the parent whose birthday it is, schedule aside |
| Mother’s Day and Father’s Day | Likewise, with the parent concerned |
| Grandparents’ birthdays | Frequently forgotten, and reliably a source of friction |
Add the days that carry meaning in your own family: Eid, a communion, an annual family gathering.
The child’s birthday
Three workable answers: the child is with whichever parent the schedule gives that day and the other celebrates a day later; you rotate the day itself; or the child celebrates twice, with two parties. The last is usually the most fun for children and the most expensive for parents. Pick one and record it, because this is the day it most often goes wrong.
Fix it years ahead
The difference between "we rotate Christmas" and a rotation that is actually in the calendar is the difference between negotiating in November and not. Set the special days to alternate once, and the coming years fill in with them — including whose turn it is in which year, visible to both of you.
It also helps the arithmetic: holidays and special days together are easily enough to tilt a division that looks like 50/50. Count what your year adds up to.
How this differs from the holiday split
School holidays are blocks of weeks and follow a different logic: picking order, halving, or alternating per holiday. Special days are single days that land inside a running schedule. Handle them separately — the holiday splitter for the weeks, this page for the days. This page adds to the broader care division or contact arrangement you have already set up.
Still have questions?
What if we cannot agree about Christmas?
Rotation is the standard answer precisely because nobody has to win it. Fix the rotation for several years, and this year sets no precedent.
Can we swap a special day?
Of course, if you both want to. Do agree whether a swap shifts the rotation or not.
What about a new partner and their family?
That is a reason to review the rotation, not to change it unilaterally.
Do special days count towards the 156 days?
They count as ordinary days. They shift the annual total less than school holidays do, but in a tight division they make a difference — see the page on reporting your care division to the tax office.
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